Nathan Allan Wolfe, former St. Mary’s resident and Indiana University of Pennsylvania student moved to Buffalo last year after accepting a job with Brian St. Pierre Gobaine Industries.
Shortly after the grueling interview process which consisted of counting to ten in Spanish, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, coloring inside the lines and beating his supervisor in a game of thumb wresting, Nathan accepted the job offer.
“I should have known better than to move here after the interview process” Quoted Nathan; “ Instead of doing a background check and drug test the city of Buffalo required a rectal exam and a sample of ear wax.”
Once he moved to Buffalo, he immediately joined the other fourteen residents and took an interest in Hockey. “I figured it would give me something to look forward too, especially considering my other options of shoveling snow and fending off welfare recipients who try to steal my shoes.” He now admits that he sees Buffalo for what it really is, “a rundown city with approximately nine people between the ages of twenty-one and thirty, no competitive sports teams and basically a winter cluster [expletive]. Buffalo just plain out blows, and I’m not talking about just the wind he was also quoted as saying. I knew things were going to go rapidly downhill when we got our first winter snowstorm of the year in July. I was snowed into my house and the only thing on TV were repeats of Family Feud and Mama’s Family.”
Somehow Nathan remains optimistic; he has stated that he has no immediate plan to move out of Buffalo. “I’ve actually thought about running for mayor in the next couple of years; last year the race consisted of a former Miss Teen Buffalo turned Starbucks employee, a bank clerk originally from Djibouti and Jim Kelly, former 5 time super bowl loser.”
"It's grungy, polluted and dark; the people are miserable and pretty much all hate me, but it is home"
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