In a surprise move the International Olympics Committee has announced today that they are replacing the Javelin event in the summer Olympics with Bush-diving, a fresh and relatively new sporting event. The committee has been searching for an event to replace the ever-dangerous Javelin after this past year when bronze medal winner Svenson Svenderson from Sweden threw his Javelin through the torso of a Belgian Judge, Johann Johannson. After multiple surgeries it has been reported that the judge is making a fantastic recovery and should be out of the hospital shortly.
The committee spent several months on conducting interview and research in various communities throughout the world in order to find an event that would bring a "fresh and young" feel into the summer games. Bush diving refers to an individual who makes a leap from a platform, stage, window, balcony or any number of objects and lands into the bush of his/her choice. Shortly after the decision was announced the committee released this statement from their Chairperson, Elizabethanean Ratchetface, "We believe the introduction of bush-diving into the 2012 Olympics will give a new generation and breed of athletes the opportunity to display their patriotism for their country; it's a large leap, but we at the committee feel strongly about this decision."
Judging of the event will be based upon the following criteria:
- Distance: Both distance of object to bush and height of platform from ground. (see illustration right)
- Creativity: Points will be awarded based upon the participants creativity both on setting up their platform and bush type as well as style points for in-air acrobatics.
- Landing: Ensuring a clean, injury free landing has a high consideration placed upon it.
After years of effort, Veteran bush-diver Andrew Lopacinski expressed his jubilation for the event finally becoming an Olympic event. "I've been bush-diving for years; I've had some nasty run ins with a lot of dangerous bushes, but I've never turned my back on a bush and I've never met a bush I didn't really like. I am looking forward to becoming a winner in bush-diving and bringing the gold home to the USA!"
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